WARNING: This post is veeeeery long. There, you don't have to repeat that obvious fact. Cheers.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?
Very often, we hear people talk so much about unconditional love - from the starry eyed teenager building webs of fantasy, to the married partner sobered up by chunks of unpalatable reality, to the religious zealot who relishes the thought of being a recipient of divine affection without having to lift a finger.
The general consensus in basically every circle is that love could actually be unconditional.
Well, you might have to step out of the box of mainstream ideology and put on your thinking cap for this. Our first stop... The dictionary.
Unconditional
- "not conditional or limited : absolute , unqualified." - Merriam Webster dictionary
- "Not subject to any conditions." - Oxford dictionary
- "Not limited by or depending on any conditions." Longman dictionary
Condition
- "something essential to the appearance or
occurrence of something else : prerequisite" - Merriam Webster dictionary.
- "a situation or state of affairs that must exist before something else is possible." - Oxford dictionary.
- "something that must exist or happen first before something else can happen." - Longman dictionary.
A merger of these definitions would see unconditional love being described as a love that exists or is shown without any condition or limit. In other words, nothing else has to happen to make such a love exist, and nothing can happen that would make it remain stagnant or die. The kind of love that appears from thin air and remains as constant as the sun. How romantic!
The reality though differs, and not slightly. So we shall examine reality together.
Romantic love
Perhaps the most popular of all types of love, is the one between a man and a woman (the not so straight wouldn't like that description very much). Thus at our very first stop, we collide with our first condition for romantic love - the object of our affection must be of the opposite sex (for the straight) or same sex (for the homosexual). Even those who claim to be bi-curious have their preference.
After that first condition has been met subconsciously, we start to look at other areas that may turn out to be deal breakers for us. Ever wondered why we don't fall in love with everyone we know? Unconditional love means you can love that unclad lunatic every bit as much as that smart, good looking man or woman who shows you nothing but care. No?
Let's look at a purer love then...
A parent's love
Quite simply, the reason a parent loves her child is because it's her child.
Mothers are undeniably the face of parental love, and the reason isn't far fetched. They are generally more expressive of their love. So fathers, bear with my illustration.
Take a moment to think about your mother. Now imagine you are her only child. One evening you are playing with other kids in your compound and armed men burst in. They inform everyone that they are there to kill every child in the compound, but because of some reason I don't know, they give your mother the opportunity to choose just one child to be saved. Which child would your mother pick over you?
Unconditional love means that it doesn't matter that the child nearest to you isn't your mother's child, she can save him/her instead of you. Would she? No?
For the religious, specifically Christians, let's look at an even purer love.
God's love
"God is love" says the Bible. John 3:16 says he loved the world so much that he sent his only begotten son. For many, that screams unconditional love. Just pause for a minute and complete the verse. The benefit of that love, eternal life, is hinged on faith in Jesus, or else destruction. A limitation or not?
Well let's go further than that. How many animals are promised such eternal life on the basis of faith in Jesus? The answer shows that man is unique, and why not? He was created in God's image. That in itself, is a condition that gives man the edge over animals. No artist would let a rascally child destroy his masterpiece without doing something about it.
Psalm 11:5 says that God hates anyone who loves violence. That makes it plain. Our desires and resultant actions can lose us God's love. Unconditional love?
Love for total strangers
This probably is the closest one can get to unconditional, for the recipient of the love shown is not the person's creation neither is he a relative or friend. However there still is a condition.
Imagine a man who braves blazing fire to get into a house. He believes there are children in there. As he gets in, he notices a litter of helpless baby rats huddled against a corner trying to get as far away from the flames as possible. Would he stop to save the baby rats or continue the search for the human children?
Your guess is as good as mine. The children would be a priority because they are human. There you have your condition.
LOVE AND SELFLESSNESS
Let me quickly correct a possible perception. This article wasn't written to make love in any form seem selfish or impure.
That man who constantly gives of himself and strives to remain faithful just to make his lady happy, even when she doesn't always appreciate it...
That faithful woman who gives her all because she genuinely wants the best for her man, even when there's that lingering possibility that she might lose it all in a blink.
That father who would rather take a bullet in the head than let his family members get hurt, or jumps into a river when he cannot swim, because he cannot watch his child drown...
That mother who would ferociously stand between her child and death, and do whatever it takes...
That person who believes that every other human should be given another shot at life, against the backdrop of the world's racist, tribalist and xenophobic tendencies...
All these are examples of selfless love which take different forms. Been conditional doesn't make them any less beautiful.
However when one insists that he/she must be loved absolutely, regardless of what he/she does or does not do, it reveals the self-centred nature inherent in most humans. A nature that seeks to receive without having to give anything.
Love can be selfless, love can be true, and love can be enduring. Do your part, make yourself loveable, love selflessly and appreciate the imperfect love shown to you. Maybe we can somehow make the world a better place, at least for those we love.
Just maybe.
© 2015 Oahray
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?
Very often, we hear people talk so much about unconditional love - from the starry eyed teenager building webs of fantasy, to the married partner sobered up by chunks of unpalatable reality, to the religious zealot who relishes the thought of being a recipient of divine affection without having to lift a finger.
The general consensus in basically every circle is that love could actually be unconditional.
Well, you might have to step out of the box of mainstream ideology and put on your thinking cap for this. Our first stop... The dictionary.
Unconditional
- "not conditional or limited : absolute , unqualified." - Merriam Webster dictionary
- "Not subject to any conditions." - Oxford dictionary
- "Not limited by or depending on any conditions." Longman dictionary
Condition
- "something essential to the appearance or
occurrence of something else : prerequisite" - Merriam Webster dictionary.
- "a situation or state of affairs that must exist before something else is possible." - Oxford dictionary.
- "something that must exist or happen first before something else can happen." - Longman dictionary.
A merger of these definitions would see unconditional love being described as a love that exists or is shown without any condition or limit. In other words, nothing else has to happen to make such a love exist, and nothing can happen that would make it remain stagnant or die. The kind of love that appears from thin air and remains as constant as the sun. How romantic!
The reality though differs, and not slightly. So we shall examine reality together.
Romantic love
Perhaps the most popular of all types of love, is the one between a man and a woman (the not so straight wouldn't like that description very much). Thus at our very first stop, we collide with our first condition for romantic love - the object of our affection must be of the opposite sex (for the straight) or same sex (for the homosexual). Even those who claim to be bi-curious have their preference.
After that first condition has been met subconsciously, we start to look at other areas that may turn out to be deal breakers for us. Ever wondered why we don't fall in love with everyone we know? Unconditional love means you can love that unclad lunatic every bit as much as that smart, good looking man or woman who shows you nothing but care. No?
Let's look at a purer love then...
A parent's love
Quite simply, the reason a parent loves her child is because it's her child.
Mothers are undeniably the face of parental love, and the reason isn't far fetched. They are generally more expressive of their love. So fathers, bear with my illustration.
Take a moment to think about your mother. Now imagine you are her only child. One evening you are playing with other kids in your compound and armed men burst in. They inform everyone that they are there to kill every child in the compound, but because of some reason I don't know, they give your mother the opportunity to choose just one child to be saved. Which child would your mother pick over you?
Unconditional love means that it doesn't matter that the child nearest to you isn't your mother's child, she can save him/her instead of you. Would she? No?
For the religious, specifically Christians, let's look at an even purer love.
God's love
"God is love" says the Bible. John 3:16 says he loved the world so much that he sent his only begotten son. For many, that screams unconditional love. Just pause for a minute and complete the verse. The benefit of that love, eternal life, is hinged on faith in Jesus, or else destruction. A limitation or not?
Well let's go further than that. How many animals are promised such eternal life on the basis of faith in Jesus? The answer shows that man is unique, and why not? He was created in God's image. That in itself, is a condition that gives man the edge over animals. No artist would let a rascally child destroy his masterpiece without doing something about it.
Psalm 11:5 says that God hates anyone who loves violence. That makes it plain. Our desires and resultant actions can lose us God's love. Unconditional love?
Love for total strangers
This probably is the closest one can get to unconditional, for the recipient of the love shown is not the person's creation neither is he a relative or friend. However there still is a condition.
Imagine a man who braves blazing fire to get into a house. He believes there are children in there. As he gets in, he notices a litter of helpless baby rats huddled against a corner trying to get as far away from the flames as possible. Would he stop to save the baby rats or continue the search for the human children?
Your guess is as good as mine. The children would be a priority because they are human. There you have your condition.
LOVE AND SELFLESSNESS
Let me quickly correct a possible perception. This article wasn't written to make love in any form seem selfish or impure.
That man who constantly gives of himself and strives to remain faithful just to make his lady happy, even when she doesn't always appreciate it...
That faithful woman who gives her all because she genuinely wants the best for her man, even when there's that lingering possibility that she might lose it all in a blink.
That father who would rather take a bullet in the head than let his family members get hurt, or jumps into a river when he cannot swim, because he cannot watch his child drown...
That mother who would ferociously stand between her child and death, and do whatever it takes...
That person who believes that every other human should be given another shot at life, against the backdrop of the world's racist, tribalist and xenophobic tendencies...
All these are examples of selfless love which take different forms. Been conditional doesn't make them any less beautiful.
However when one insists that he/she must be loved absolutely, regardless of what he/she does or does not do, it reveals the self-centred nature inherent in most humans. A nature that seeks to receive without having to give anything.
Love can be selfless, love can be true, and love can be enduring. Do your part, make yourself loveable, love selflessly and appreciate the imperfect love shown to you. Maybe we can somehow make the world a better place, at least for those we love.
Just maybe.
© 2015 Oahray
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