LETTER TO NIGERIAN PARENTS (Please read to the end)
Friends,
Let me add the benefit of my time as a student and then resident in
the UK - and I live in Lagos now. The first thing that I discovered
about UK-born, white, English undergraduates was that all of them did
holiday or weekend job to support themselves - including the children
of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there - regardless
how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually
all other foreign students did the same - the exception being those of
us status-conscious Nigerians.
I also watched Richard Branson (owner of Virgin Airline) speaking on
the Biography Channel and, to my amazement; he said that his young
children travel in the economy class -even when the parents (he and
his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in
Pound Sterling. A quick survey would show you that only children from
Nigeria fly business or upper class to commence their studies in the
UK . No other foreign students do this. There is no aircraft attached
to the office of the prime minister in the UK - he travels on BA. And
the same goes for the Royals. The Queen does not have an aircraft for
her exclusive use.
These practices simply become the culture which the next generation
carries forward. Have you seen the car that Kate Middleton the lass
married to Prince William drives? VW Golf or something close to it.
But there's one core difference in them and us (generally speaking).
They - the billionaires among them work for their money, we steal
ours!
If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been
praying for on behalf of our dear country, then please, please let's
begin now and teach them to work hard so that they can stand alone and
most importantly be content, and not have to "steal". This seems to be
the norm these days.
"30 is the new 18", which seems to be the new age for testing out the
world in Nigeria now. That seems to be an unspoken but widely accepted
mindset among the last 2 generations of parents in Nigeria .
At age 18 years, a typical young adult in the UK leaves the clutches
of his/her parents for the University, chances are, that's the last
time those parents will ever play "landlord" to their son or daughter
except of course the occasional home visits during the academic year.
At 21 years and above or below, the now fully grown and independent
minded adult graduates from University, searches for employment, gets
a job and shares a flat with other young people on a journey into
becoming fully fledged adults.
I can hear the echo of parents saying, well, that is because the UK
economy is thriving, safe, well structured and jobs are everywhere? I
beg to differ and I ask that you kindly hear me out. I am UK trained
Recruitment Consultant and I have been practicing for the past 10
years in Nigeria . I have a broad range of experience from recruiting
graduates to executive director level of large corporations. In
addition, I talk from the point of view of someone with relatively
privileged upbringing.
Driven to school every day, had my clothes washed for me, was barred
from taking any part-time job during my A-levels so that I could
concentrate on studying for my exams?! BUT, I got the opportunity to
live apart from my parents from age 18 and the only time I came back
home to stay was for 3 months before I got married!
Am I saying that every parent should wash their hands off their
children at age 18? No, not at all, of course, I enjoyed the savings
that I made from living on and off at my parent's house in London -
indeed that is the primary reason for my being able to buy myself a 3
bedroom flat in London at age 25 with absolutely no direct financial
help from my parents!
For me, pocket money stopped at age 22, not that it was ever enough
for my lifestyle to compete with Paris Hilton's or Victoria Beckham's.
Meanwhile today, we have Nigerian children who have never worked for 5
minutes in their lives insisting on flying "only" first or business
class, carrying the latest Louis Vuitton ensemble, Victoria 's Secret
underwear and wearing Jimmy Choo's, fully paid for by their "loving"
parents.
I often get calls from anxious parents, my son graduated 2 years ago
and is still looking for a job, can you please assist! Oh really! So
where exactly this "child" is my usual question. Why are you the one
making this call dad/mum?
I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and me, chances
are that big boy is cruising around Lagos with a babe dressed to the
nines, in his dad's spanking new SUV with enough "pocket money" to put
your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to have a 28 year old
who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but
"earns" a six figure "salary" from parents for doing absolutely
nothing.
I see them in my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely
no skills to sell, apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad's
secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and
call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent
conversation and we get to the inevitable question - so, what salary
are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out - N250,000.00. I
ask if that is per month or per annum.
Of course it is per month. Oh, why do you think you should be earning
that much on your first job? Well, because my current pocket money is
N200,000.00 and I feel that an employer should be able to pay me more
than my parents. I try very hard to compose myself, over parenting is
in my opinion the greatest evil handicapping the Nigerian youth. It is
at the root of our national malaise.
We have a youth population of tens of millions of who are being
"breastfed and diapered" well into their 30s. Even though the examples
I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar
patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa! Wake up mum! Wake
up dad! You practically love your children to death! No wonder
corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who
have been brought up to expect something for nothing, as if it were a
birth right.
I want to encourage you to send your young men and women (anyone over
20 can hardly be called a child!) out into the world, maybe even
consider reducing or stopping the pocket money to encourage them to
think, explore and strive. Let them know that it is possible for them
to succeed without your "help".
Take a moment to think back to your own time as a young man/woman,
what if someone had kept spoon feeding you, would you be where you are
today? No tree grows well under another tree, children that are not
exposed to challenges, don't cook well. That is why you see adults
complaining, "my parents didn't buy clothes for me this Christmas",
ask him/her how old are you? 30 years +. Because of the challenges we
faced in our youth, we are where and what we are today. This
syndrome-my children will not suffer what I suffered is destroying our
tomorrow.
Deliberately, reduce their allowance or mum-don't cook on Saturday
till late afternoon or evening-do as occasion deserve.
I learnt the children of a former Nigerian head of state with all the
stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still go about with
security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several times because of
the drug, they collapse in public places. The escort will quickly pack
them and off they go, what a life! No one wants to marry them. Anyone
who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who
keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your
mind young.- Henry Ford. Hard work does not kill; everything in
Nigeria is going down, including family settings. It is time to cook
our children, preparing them for tomorrow. We are approaching the
season in Nigeria where only the RUGGED, will survive. How will your
ward fare?
If the present generation of Nigerian pilots retires, will you fly ae
plane flown by a young Nigerian pilot, If trained in Nigeria ? People
now have first class, who cannot spell GRADUATE or read an article
without bomb blast! Which way Nigerians?
Friends,
Let me add the benefit of my time as a student and then resident in
the UK - and I live in Lagos now. The first thing that I discovered
about UK-born, white, English undergraduates was that all of them did
holiday or weekend job to support themselves - including the children
of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there - regardless
how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually
all other foreign students did the same - the exception being those of
us status-conscious Nigerians.
I also watched Richard Branson (owner of Virgin Airline) speaking on
the Biography Channel and, to my amazement; he said that his young
children travel in the economy class -even when the parents (he and
his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in
Pound Sterling. A quick survey would show you that only children from
Nigeria fly business or upper class to commence their studies in the
UK . No other foreign students do this. There is no aircraft attached
to the office of the prime minister in the UK - he travels on BA. And
the same goes for the Royals. The Queen does not have an aircraft for
her exclusive use.
These practices simply become the culture which the next generation
carries forward. Have you seen the car that Kate Middleton the lass
married to Prince William drives? VW Golf or something close to it.
But there's one core difference in them and us (generally speaking).
They - the billionaires among them work for their money, we steal
ours!
If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been
praying for on behalf of our dear country, then please, please let's
begin now and teach them to work hard so that they can stand alone and
most importantly be content, and not have to "steal". This seems to be
the norm these days.
"30 is the new 18", which seems to be the new age for testing out the
world in Nigeria now. That seems to be an unspoken but widely accepted
mindset among the last 2 generations of parents in Nigeria .
At age 18 years, a typical young adult in the UK leaves the clutches
of his/her parents for the University, chances are, that's the last
time those parents will ever play "landlord" to their son or daughter
except of course the occasional home visits during the academic year.
At 21 years and above or below, the now fully grown and independent
minded adult graduates from University, searches for employment, gets
a job and shares a flat with other young people on a journey into
becoming fully fledged adults.
I can hear the echo of parents saying, well, that is because the UK
economy is thriving, safe, well structured and jobs are everywhere? I
beg to differ and I ask that you kindly hear me out. I am UK trained
Recruitment Consultant and I have been practicing for the past 10
years in Nigeria . I have a broad range of experience from recruiting
graduates to executive director level of large corporations. In
addition, I talk from the point of view of someone with relatively
privileged upbringing.
Driven to school every day, had my clothes washed for me, was barred
from taking any part-time job during my A-levels so that I could
concentrate on studying for my exams?! BUT, I got the opportunity to
live apart from my parents from age 18 and the only time I came back
home to stay was for 3 months before I got married!
Am I saying that every parent should wash their hands off their
children at age 18? No, not at all, of course, I enjoyed the savings
that I made from living on and off at my parent's house in London -
indeed that is the primary reason for my being able to buy myself a 3
bedroom flat in London at age 25 with absolutely no direct financial
help from my parents!
For me, pocket money stopped at age 22, not that it was ever enough
for my lifestyle to compete with Paris Hilton's or Victoria Beckham's.
Meanwhile today, we have Nigerian children who have never worked for 5
minutes in their lives insisting on flying "only" first or business
class, carrying the latest Louis Vuitton ensemble, Victoria 's Secret
underwear and wearing Jimmy Choo's, fully paid for by their "loving"
parents.
I often get calls from anxious parents, my son graduated 2 years ago
and is still looking for a job, can you please assist! Oh really! So
where exactly this "child" is my usual question. Why are you the one
making this call dad/mum?
I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and me, chances
are that big boy is cruising around Lagos with a babe dressed to the
nines, in his dad's spanking new SUV with enough "pocket money" to put
your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to have a 28 year old
who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but
"earns" a six figure "salary" from parents for doing absolutely
nothing.
I see them in my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely
no skills to sell, apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad's
secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and
call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent
conversation and we get to the inevitable question - so, what salary
are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out - N250,000.00. I
ask if that is per month or per annum.
Of course it is per month. Oh, why do you think you should be earning
that much on your first job? Well, because my current pocket money is
N200,000.00 and I feel that an employer should be able to pay me more
than my parents. I try very hard to compose myself, over parenting is
in my opinion the greatest evil handicapping the Nigerian youth. It is
at the root of our national malaise.
We have a youth population of tens of millions of who are being
"breastfed and diapered" well into their 30s. Even though the examples
I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar
patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa! Wake up mum! Wake
up dad! You practically love your children to death! No wonder
corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who
have been brought up to expect something for nothing, as if it were a
birth right.
I want to encourage you to send your young men and women (anyone over
20 can hardly be called a child!) out into the world, maybe even
consider reducing or stopping the pocket money to encourage them to
think, explore and strive. Let them know that it is possible for them
to succeed without your "help".
Take a moment to think back to your own time as a young man/woman,
what if someone had kept spoon feeding you, would you be where you are
today? No tree grows well under another tree, children that are not
exposed to challenges, don't cook well. That is why you see adults
complaining, "my parents didn't buy clothes for me this Christmas",
ask him/her how old are you? 30 years +. Because of the challenges we
faced in our youth, we are where and what we are today. This
syndrome-my children will not suffer what I suffered is destroying our
tomorrow.
Deliberately, reduce their allowance or mum-don't cook on Saturday
till late afternoon or evening-do as occasion deserve.
I learnt the children of a former Nigerian head of state with all the
stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still go about with
security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several times because of
the drug, they collapse in public places. The escort will quickly pack
them and off they go, what a life! No one wants to marry them. Anyone
who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who
keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your
mind young.- Henry Ford. Hard work does not kill; everything in
Nigeria is going down, including family settings. It is time to cook
our children, preparing them for tomorrow. We are approaching the
season in Nigeria where only the RUGGED, will survive. How will your
ward fare?
If the present generation of Nigerian pilots retires, will you fly ae
plane flown by a young Nigerian pilot, If trained in Nigeria ? People
now have first class, who cannot spell GRADUATE or read an article
without bomb blast! Which way Nigerians?
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